If it isn't love
by DelenaItIs
Summary: Prologue: Left alone


IF IT ISN'T LOVE

_Dear Diary,_

_I have never thought about it before, but now I know: I want to grow old. You may think I'm crazy but no. Here's the reason. I want my own children, i want to feel the biggest feeling in the world – LOVE. I want to see my children grow and have their owl children. This isn't too much. I just want to be happy. Most people would be happy to be forever young. Not me._

_Elena._

„Hi, Caroline! What's up?" I asked Caroline when I saw her.

„Oh, Elena. I was looking for you!" She sounded just like my mom.

„What is it? Caroline, what's wrong? Is it about Stefan?"

„No. It's... it's about Jer."

No! The panic took over the control. I couldn't move my body. _What happened to Jeremy? I can't lose him. _These were my only thoughts.

„No-no. Don't cry. He called Bonnie. I don't really know what happened. Bonnie called me because you didn't answer. I came as fast as I could. Let's go!"

„Wait, where are we going? Wha..." I started.

„I DON'T KNOW. Take my hand, there's no one here."

I took Caroline's hand and before I could breathe we were in front of my house. I was scared to go inside, I didn't know where Jeremy was but I couldn't wait any longer so I ran, opened the front door and stepped in.

„Um, Elena?" said Caroline and waved me.

„Oh, right. Come in." I watched Caroline and asked to come closer to me.

„Elena! Help, we need some towels!'' I heard Bonnie's voice.

„Caroline, towels!" I gave her an order.

I ran upstairs. Jeremy was in Jenna's bed, he was bleeding. I heard how Bonnie whispered some words I couldn't understand. _What happened?_

„What happened? Is... is he... dead?" I whispered.

„No!" Bonnie screamed but he wasn't breathing.

„No-no-no-no. _No!_" I couldn't watch it any longer so I ran down the stairs. I saw Caroline with the towels and I told her Jeremy is dead.

„It can't be possible. He called Bonnie! He have to be alive, Elena! I can't belive it! He can't die twice in a week. It's... it's impossib..."

„Caroline, what is i..."

„Shh. I heard something. Stay here, please or go upstairs. Bonnie shouldn't be alone."And she was gone.

I was too frightened to move so I just stood there and looked to the direction where Caroline had disappeared. Suddenly I heard a scream, something fell from the table and then I saw Caroline. She pushed a girl to the wall. I knew this girl but I couldn't remember where have I seen her.

„Hello, Caroline," she said to Caroline. I knew the voice. It was a strong voice. It could have belonged to a man.

„Vicki! But you're dead. How? Did you killed Jeremy? Why? I hate you." I screamed.

„Nice to see you too, Elena. Hah, I didn't kill this little stoner. I made him." She smiled and looked over Caroline's shoulder.

„What do you mean by _made him_?" I asked angry.

„I made him like me so we could be together. Forever."

„No! How could you? He doesn't even love you. And you're dead."

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been a horrible week. Caroline killed Vicki, again but before that, Vicki told us how she survived. Actually she didn't survive. She came back from dead. When Jeremy first died Bonnie and Alaric took him away. The ghosts didn't want to help Bonnie. They told it has it own consequences and by this they meant Vicki and Anna. Vicki and Anna was buried there and when Jeremy came back to life, Vicki and Anna came back to life, too. We haven't seen Anna. Nobody knows where she is or is she still alive. The worst part is... Jeremy is a vampire. He's thrilled but I'm not. It's horrible, it's too dangerous and he had a life full of choises. He could have grew old with Bonnie. And Bonnie... She's not good. I haven't heard anything about Stefan. I'm scared. Katherine told me that Klaus had big plans with him. I don't know what to do anymore._

_Truly yours, Elena._

_Damon, Damon. Damon._

„Damon," I whispered when I woke up. I had a dream about Damon.

I put my clothes on and ran to the Salvatores house. Before I could knock I heard Damon's voice.

„Come in," he said. I peeked in and saw Damon standing next to his armchair.

„Hi, Damon," I said.

„Hi." He smiled but his eyes were unhappy.

„What's wrong? Are you worried about Jeremy, too?" I asked and moved closer to him.

„Ofcause not! I don't care about _your_ brother. It's about Stefan. He sacrifised himself to save me and for the very first time of my life I feel bad. I should've died. And the pain I caused you, Elena! I could live with my pain but I just can't stand your pain. I know how you feel, I can see it, Elena."

„Oh, Damon. At least he's alive. I'm not worried because I know he'll be okay. Stefan is smart. I know he can do this." I felt a tear on my cheek and before I could wipe it, Damon took it away with a kiss. He was so close that I heard him breathing. I put my hands around his neck and hugged him.

He stepped a step back and looked me straight in the eyes. Beautiful grey eyes gazed right into my soul.

I could't handle that look. He was in love with me and for the very first time I felt something.

No, it was wrong. I was with Stefan even if he wasn't here with me. I had to make it clear to Damon.

„Damon," I started and pushed him away, „about the kiss... I didn't mean it, I just tried to help you and I thought it makes you feel better." I looked at him but he looked out the window. And then he was gone. I turned around and saw him sitting in his armchair.

„Damon?"

He looked at me and I saw him crying. He just couln't handle it. I hurt him and this time I hurt him too much.

„Oh, Damon!" Tears gathered in my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I sat on his lap and hugged him.

„Look at me," I said.

The look in his eyes was crazy. He was broken and I did this to him. How could I?

And then he kissed me. He was hurting me but I didn't care. Then I knew I loved him. But I loved Stefan, too. Just like Katherine said: „_You can love them both."_

I heard a sigh. It was Damon and he pushed me away.

„What's wrong?" I asked.

„Can't you see? What am I doing? I am seducing you when Stefan is probably dying. Ever since I met you I wanted you to be mine. Now I have that change but I feel guilty. We shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm leaving the town so you can't hurt me and Stefan anymore," he said seriously.

„No! I'll promise you nothing like this ever happens again. Please, don't leave Damon!" I almost screamed.

„I have to," he said and then he disappeared.

„No," I said again.

I saw his mobile phone on the table. I took it and searched for Katherine's number. Finally I found it and called her. I was scared, I knew she was bad and she wouldn't help me if I said one word wrong. My hands and legs were shaking so I sat down.

„Hello?" I heard Katherine's voice.

„Um, hi. It's me, Elena."

„Elena? What a suprise," she said slily, „how can I help you today?"

„K...Katherine, please. I need your help. Damon's leaving the town. Can you find him and convince him to stay? I... I can't lose them both."

Katherine didn't say anything. I waited and finally she said: „I lost the both and I could live with this, why can't you do the same?" She laughed.

„No, no. Please. You don't understand."

„Bye."

I was desperate. I couldn't move. The tears started flowing and there was nothing i could do about it. I had lost them both. I guess I had to move on like Katherine did.


End file.
